It’s been a year. More than a year since I have been comfortable having an online presence. Let me tell you why.
Ok but first, let me pre-empt this post by explaining that I am healing from a mild concussion. How did I get this you ask? Well, we are
EXHAUSTED really tired parents dealing with an 18 MONTH old TODDLER who still doesn’t sleep well at night…. thats 18 months with only a handful of nights filled with actual sleep. Like a literal 4-5 nights in 18 months. Two of those were on our anniversary getaway. With no kids… I digress. There I am struggling to figure out how to keep the baby in his OWN bed (he keeps climbing on the railing and getting stuck in fear of falling – this had been going on for 3 hours), but I also want the baby to stop screaming… I really shouldn’t have gone to him, because we are trying, AGAIN, to sleep train this kid, and it isn’t working (well NOW it is, but then it wasn’t)…. Anyway, as I am angrily storming out of leaving the room, I trip on the crib and door frame, only to land into the doorframe across the hall with my head and forearms.
So as I am healing from a nasty bump on my head, and trying to test the waters in using my brain, I decided, why not start blogging about my chaos again. I mean, why not make others laugh at my mishaps and life lessons, because clearly, I don’t always see the humor in it.
Side note: Just as I wrote that paragraph my potty training 3 yr old yelled at someone to please help her get down from the sink. She had told us she needed to go potty, but what she DIDN’T tell us is that she had already pooped in her panties. So I walk in to find her trying to clean the poop out of her panties in the sink…. There was poop on the toilet, on the counter in the sink…. at least not on the floor. Sorry I forgot to take a picture… And aside from cleaning poop up from everywhere including herself, at least she was trying to clean up her own mess when I found her. So there is that.
That is my life right now. I am in the middle of an identity crisis, school hasn’t started yet, my brain hurts, my kids are hysterical and stressful, energetic and sweet, messy and helpful, and raising them is by FAR what I would rather be doing above ANYTHING else. But it is still hard. Really hard. And sometimes I feel a call to do something in conjunction with motherhood that might take me away from home on a regular basis…. more on that later. Not because I want to get away from my kids, but because there is a nagging at my soul that I am supposed to help others in another way. Not right right now, but soon. And it may not be for a while, but either way, I am trying to come to terms with this and make it OK if I do something other than be home with my kids 24/7. I digress…. again.
SO I am back, at least for a while, and I want you ALL to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This journey is supposed to suck sometimes, and sometimes it lasts for a LONG time, but it’s ok. When we learn to embrace the chaos, and really LIVE in each moment, time goes by much quicker, things get a little more bearable, and there is room in your heart for your love to grow. This is my journey to find JOY amidst the chaos. And every time I think I have it figured out, God reminds me that this journey isn’t over yet. It is FAR from over!